Testing the Atomic Bomb

My overly-muscular pit bull mix, who we adopted from the animal shelter about a year ago, is the only dog I’ve ever had whose farts are actually audible. And by audible I mean the last time she broke wind, I threw myself under the sofa and questioned my vote for Obama, because OHMIGOD THE TERRORISTS ARE BOMBING MY NEIGHBORHOOD. I woke up last night to witness one of these anomalies and heard as she leapt out of bed, sprinted into the living room (slamming her body into the doorframe on her way), and waited there for a good 20 minutes before finally retreating back to our room. Unfortunately, though she tested positive for steroids in 2003, she’s afraid her own ass is trying to do her in.